my rapidly evolving relationship with raw fish

For the longest time I hated sushi. I was all like, What the fuck Japan? You’re making your national dish, and you’re like ‘hmm I know let’s use RAW STINKING FISH and SEAWEED.’ Seaweed. The slimy, vermin ridden weed from the sea. Genius.

And it wasn’t just the taste, small and texture I hated. I have long been of the opinion that food should be cooked and bacteria dead; free from the pantheon of flukes, worms and parasites that  are just waiting to hatch in my lower intestine and curl their spiny tentacles around my organs.

Then I became a vegetarian- and the dreams started. I have this vivid recurring dream that I’m crouched on a rock with my hands in a river, Gollum-style; pulling up fish that I rip apart with my nails and teeth and devour in bloody chunks.

I know that doesn’t sound super appetising but I always woke up starving and I usually ended up running to the local fish and chip shop- but it just wasn’t cutting it. So now about once a week I eat a raw salmon steak; and my St Pierre's loyalty card has more stamps than my niece after gym class*

*Lots. Lots of stamps. Kids love stamps, is the joke there. They're like toddler currency.