Haul Post

The photos is of people clamoring to hear about my shopping trip. Clamoring, I say.

In the tradition of youtube haul videos; I am going to write a summary of everything I bought today and why. Hold onto your seats, kids, It's gonna be a wild ride...

1. Vitamin E Eye Cream

Today I bought some anti wrinkle cream for my eyes. I bought it from the Body Shop because that's where I buy everything and also because I have mad girl crush on Dame Anita Roddick.

Now that I've turned 21 and nearly died in a horrific car crash; I feel mortality creeping up on me. Where once I would wildly jump off high things screaming 'I AM A GOLDEN GOD!'; I now cautiously step out of the bathtub onto a pre arranged slip free surface.

I haven't found any wrinkles yet but the best kind of action is preventative action* so I'm onto it.

2. Karen Walker Marti Dress

I bought this to wear to my boyfriends brothers wedding because it's going to be a bit churchy and my mom firmly but politely suggested I leave my boobs out of the equation.

I don't usually shop there because the store smells way too strongly of musky perfume and because whenever  see someone wearing one of those robot necklaces I know straight up I'm not going to like them. It's usually paired with a messy bun on the top of the head, black tights and a kathmandu puffer jacket and it screams 'douchey white Auckland girl'; but I'm glad I conquered my prejudices long enough to find this dress, because it's cute.

3. Chalk

You probably thought it wasn't going to get more exciting after the dress; BUT IT DID. CHALK. WOOO.

I have a good reason though; It wasn't just for hopscotch**. I bought a cruddy old desk for $10 from the Salvation Army and painted it with blackboard paint. Then I drew dinosaurs all over it with chalk. Then I erased the chalk and drew fish all over it. Then I erased that and started to draw hamburgers; but I got a bit bored and left. You get the idea though, right? ITS A DESK YOU CAN DRAW ON.

MADNESS.

4. Jeans

I bought some jeans. The only picture I could find of the specific pair I bought was this one of my second favorite chick from Glee**** doing some kind of Michael Jackson dance move. So, me and whatsherface have the same jeans now. Sick.

I have really specific ideas about caring for jeans, largely gained from reading Lauren Conrad's blog, and  people tend to find them kind of weird but I don't care because Lauren's blog also told me to be myself, so screw you.

a) Never wash your jeans. Washing your jeans is like if your jeans are Julius Caesar and every spin cycle is another senator stabbing him until finally he screams 'Et tu, Brutus!' and dies miserable and alone.

b) If you want to wash your jeans; just stick them in a freezer for a few hours instead

c) Sleep in them the first night you buy them to stretch them into the right shape. You will not sleep well and you will have strange dreams about being strangled by an anaconda from the crotch down; but it will be worth it.

Frances x

*Not true. The best kind of action is either explosions of explosive head shots.

** Haha. Like I could play hopscotch. The other day I forgot I was disabled and I jumped to reach a high shelf. I landed in a crumpled heap on the floor and swore so loud my cat wouldn't come out from behind the toilet*** for an hour. Sorry, Mehitabel.

*** Yeah. She follows me into the bathroom. It's not weird at all.

**** I haven't watched Glee for ages because the writing is crappy, there's too much fan service and Lea Michelle disgusts me. Did you know the lead writer is the same guy that made Popular? Bring that back instead, dude.