Goodbye, kittens #1 & #2

This is the happy face of a kitten who doesn't know she's being neutered tomorrow.

We’re giving up two of our foster kittens tomorrow- Farmboy and Buttercup. It’s going to be really hard because they’re our first kittens, and, well, Farmboy is the best cat ever. Like, actually. He poops in his box, he never scratches, he’s good at planking and he has happy sparkling eyes that melt your heart like ice cream in a microwave.*

BEST CAT EVER.

We had to fill out all this paperwork before we sent them off, and we also made a little packet of photos to send to their future owners. We put a little note in telling them how much we loved the kittens and how awesome they were and how we hoped they’d take care of it; but as soon as I sealed the envelope I just started sobbing uncontrollably, because the last thing I want to do is hand them over to some stranger who I don’t know and definitely don’t trust.

I wrote nice stuff in that note, but what I really wanted to write was something like this:

This is the best kitten in the world, and you’d better love the crap out of it. Don’t let him get fleas, because I spent hours combing them out of his fur and catching them one by one because the flea powder was slow to work and I could tell he was in pain. Don’t ever yell at him or punish him for not going in the litter box, because he’s just a baby and it’s cruel, and its probably your fault for not cleaning it, you asshole. Don’t let him go outside until he’s older. Do you know how many idiots let their cats die like this? He’s too young, he doesn’t know what to do, he’ll got lost or hit by a car, and I can tell you that’s not something you bounce back from. If he gets sick, pay his vet bills. Don’t just let him die. And, do not be one of those sick, twisted individuals who decided to move overseas then has their cat euthanized rather than bothering to find them a new owner. You are the worst kind of people.

And don’t you ever, ever mistreat him, hit him, abandon him or scare him, because if you do, I will track you down and go Mortal Kombat on your bitch ass. 

 Also, he likes playing with socks and his favorite cat food flavor is beef, so, yeah. Keep that in mind too, future owner.

Annie will also be in line to fuck you up if you mess with her bro.

 Everyone wish Farmboy and Buttercup luck for tomorrow morning while they get their genitals cut off and get to work on lookin' cute enough to find a new home. And if you've been swayed by these adorable photos and want to take one of them home yourself, text me tonight! 021 1988 111**

*Yes, I am very good at similes.

** I know its a terrible idea to post your phone number on your heavily trafficked blog, especially when  a solid portion of your hits come from google searches for 'kim kardashian sex tape' and 'wheelchair sex tape'; but I want to give Buttercup and Farmboy their best chance. I'll take it down tomorrow, so in the mean time.... don't do anything creepy.