I, like, totally understand what it's like to live with polio now.

I leapt off a moving bus in platform heels; and ended up spending all day cruising around Christchurch Hospital in a wheelchair. Who could have possibly predicted that chain of events?

Now I'm back home with crutches and a dressing on my leg and apparently I might still be MIA by my India launch date. Seriously, fml.

I spent four hours at the hospital and it was straight up awful. I was bored, in horrible pain and the whole place smelled like dying cats. In my opinion, they should just administer morphine shots upon admission. It would make the patients much more friendly and docile. Have you ever had morphine? You feel like you’re sparkling like a Twilight vampire. You’re just like, ‘I don’t care if I have to sit in this waiting room for the rest of my life, I’m fucking Edward Cullen and I shine like a glorious nebulaaaaaa'

Lady Gaga knows what I'm talkin' bout.